We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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