he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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