wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
