Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
