If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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