i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize