YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
