dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
