All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
