david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
