Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
