Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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