My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
