I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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