when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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