i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
