Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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