How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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