What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
