it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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