This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
