I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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