a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
