Can Purell be used as lube?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
