Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
