I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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