I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Randomize
