Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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