I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
