so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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