Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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