i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
