Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
