i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
