got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
