hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We are all done wearing pants today
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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