He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
