How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
