Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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