I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
