So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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