i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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