Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
