Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
