He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
