She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she told me i tasted like america
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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