It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
