This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
