Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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