Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
