Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
