and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
