I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
