Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
