wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
