dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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