your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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