I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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