Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
