he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
