she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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