I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish there were birth control emojis
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
