nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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