i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
