Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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