he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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