Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
