R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
