Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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