Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
