youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
