did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
