she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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