We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
