Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
