a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
