If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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