If i come over, it means nothing
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want to be your penis for a week.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize