I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
